Macho man vs the pervert

Pukul 1 boss bagi tau nak kena pegi meeting kat HQ lak pukul 3 – 5. Bengang betul aku kalau meeting last minute baru nak bagitau ni, mana aku ada prepare apa2, pegi tunjuk muka sambil senyum2 manja je la.. Tapi OKla, sebab kalau abis kul 5 tak payahla datang ofis balik, boleh balik awal la, yahuuu.. TAPI, boss aku lak dengan gembiranya cakap “I ikut you lah, keta I takde minyak..”. Hancuss harapan aku nak balik awal, mesti kena datang ofis balik hantar boss aku sebab keta dia parked kat situ. Pastu kalau dah datang ofis, takkan la aku nak cakap “boss, dah sampai ni, you pegila buat keja I nak balik ye”, nak mampus, musim-musim appraisal ni? Maunya point aku rendah nanti, takut gaji naik sikit je lak tahun ni.

Jadi, pegi la aku ngan boss bawak keta aku ke HQ. Meeting pun OK, takde issue yang buat aku tension dan berjalan ikut jadual lak tu, kul 4.50 dah abis. Wah, kena balik ofis pun takpela.. TETAPI!!!

TIBA-TIBA ada boss lain lak (ex-boss aku, sekarang dah lain department dah) datang bisik kat aku “you boleh tolong tengok keta I tak, tayar pancit tadi..”. Ha?? Aku?? Tengok keta?? Tayar pancit?? Ramai2 manusia kat situ, aku yang dia mintak tolong tengok keta! Tengok bodoh boleh la!! Tengok keta jenis apa, kaler ape aku reti, tapi nak tukar tayar?? Dengan badan aku yang sasa dan berotot2 pejal ni?? Tapi apakan daya, takkan la aku nak cakap “boss, you tak nampak ke tahap kesopan-santunan I ni nak suruh I tukar tayar keta," keta merc lak tu! Keta Tiara aku dulu pun orang lain tolong tukar masa pancit.. Alahai.. camner nak buat ni..

Oleh kerana nak menjaga reputasi, terpaksa la aku ikut dia. Pastu, nasib baik la jugak boss yang tumpang aku datang HQ tadi tu, terbukti kejantanannya, diala yg akhirnya tolong buat benda2 tu semua, aku jadi tukang tengok dan sengih2 je. Macam ni punya ringan tulang, boss, lain kali boleh la tumpang lagi.. hehe… TETAPI (kali keberikutnya lak..)

Rupa-rupanya tayar spare ex-boss tu 16, mana boleh masuk rim 19?? Ala, ex-boss yang bijaksana oi, camnerla ko tukar rim keta tak tukar spare tyre?? Aku nak mengutuk pun dia pangkat lagi tinggi, lagi pun dia dah naikkan pangkat aku ari tu.. Jadi, dengan penuh hormat aku buat muke toye je la..

PASTU, terpaksa la pulak bawak ex-boss (& current boss) ngan tayar pancit dia pegi kedai tayar kat kampung baru untuk tampal ke apa ke lah.. Sampai sana dah kul 6, so aku bagitau ex-boss tu aku nak pegi semayang asar dulu kat stesen petronas kat situ sebab takut tak sempat balik semayang kat opis.

Stesen petronas tu hanya jual NGV kat taxi driver je, jadi kat situ semua laki je, daripada customer sampaila ke pekerjanya. OK, no problem, aku pun jantan gak, so oraitla tu. So, aku pun pegi la kat belakang stesen tu ke toilet dan surau sekali lah. TETAPI (lagi sekali..)

Kat depan toilet tu ada satu mamat drebar teksi (aku taula, pakai uniform putih tu, lagipun keta kat situ semua teksi la). Mula2 aku ingat dia kencing kat depan tu, apahal lak mamat ni, kot toilet penuh pun, takkanla takleh tunggu kot. Takde sivik punya drebar teksi! TETAPI!!!!

Bila aku makin dekat, rupa2nya mamat tu bukan kencing, tapi tengah masturbate tu!!! Lu gila ke ape mamat??? Buat benda2 camtu depan depan orang ramai. Kot gersang pun, masukla kat toilet tu!! Rosak akhlak betul mamat ni.. Melayu lak tu! Pastu, mamat tu tengok aku terus marah “Ko tengok apa??”. Wah, aku lak kena marah! Gua tengok lu la, bodoh! Tapi tu aku jawab dalam hati je, sebab takut gak kena pelangkung ngan mamat drebar teksi psiko tu.

Pastu aku pun pegi lah semayang asar. Pastu pegi amik ex-boss aku, hantar balik kat keta dia kat HQ, tengok diorang pasang tayar, dan pusing balik kat opis kat jln pudu hantar boss yg tumpang, sampai pudu dah maghrib! Habis cita-cita aku nak balik awal.

Sampai rumah dah kul 8 lebih, si Hannah pun dah tido, tak sempat dancing ngan aku. Dahla pagi-pagi buta angkat masuk keta hantar nursery dia tak bukak mata lagi, balik rumah pun dia dah tido lak.. Nak wat camner, cari makan punya pasal.….

Tapi lepas mandi air suam, makan nasi lauk ayam goreng + gulai terung + sotong yang best masakan bini aku tu dan dengar sarah gelak2 buat lawak bodoh ngan ibu dia, hilang segala penat hari ni.. Kalau kena tukar tayar keta hari2 pun takpelah, asal aku dapat ballik dengar anak2 bergelak ketawa. Lagi pun dapatla muscle2 aku pegi kat bicep instead of my perut. Huu, bertambah machola aku nanti, haha..

Untuk Suami Sahaja

A group of friends and I went to lunch today when someone he was complaining about his wife. Apparently, he went for futsall and later went for teh tarik with his friend and came home close to midnight last noght. His wife, pun apa lagi, “belum bukak kasut dia dah start main kompang dah, sampai aku pegi mandi, semayang, sampai nak tido pun tak abis lagi, pas tu bukan setakat malam ni punya cite je, cite tahun lepas la, zaman bercinta dulu lah pun semua keluar lah, tido pun pusing belakang lak tu. Padahal bukan dia tak tahu aku pergi futsall, pastu bukan aku suruh dia tunggu pun, ” so he said. Well, we do understand you you, bro. We stand by you!! Perempuan ngan berleter ni gitulah, tak boleh dipisahkan. From my kajian, perempuan selalunya berleter sebab

1. Marah anak
2. Geram ngan laki
3. Marah anak sindir laki
4. Tension kerja
5. Penat
6. “That time of the month”

Cara mengatasi masalah ni senang je

1. Tolong bini marah anak sekali
2. Buat tak dengar
3. Buat tak paham
4. Angguk-angguk geleng geleng je, tanda simpati walaupun tak paham sebab-musababnya
5. Tolong la sikit-sikit, buang sampah ke, sidai baju ke.. (tapi sikit sikit je, takut kalau banyak nanti kita lak penat)
6. Masuk kiri keluar kanan je. Tengok TV cam takde apa-apa.. lama-lama senyap la tu.
   

Tapi, tak semua pompuan camtu, my hati manis (sweetheat) tu, kalau marah tak berleter pun, tapi muncung nya, ya ALLAH, memang real life punya Daisy Duck lah, haha – cara mengatasi, buat tak nampak, pakai spek itam ke, buat-buat ngantuk ke, lagi best kalau buat lawak bodoh ngan anak-anak ). Lagipun, diorang ni bising2 tu tanda concern. Kalau dapat bini yng buat tak peduli semua benda kang lagi parah tu..

Advertisement : My wife's blog

Wah, my wife suddenly nak create her own blog gak sebab I had one. So, after days of "macamana nak buat, bang.. tolongla bang..tunjukla bang..bang ni.. abang tu.." finally terciptalah Hannahsarah.blogspot today. (Hmm.. nak kena laki jugak tolong.., bertuah betul berlakikan I, ek? Ngapelah dulu tak ramai yg nak.. akan datang ni ada la, kot..).

Anyway, wife, good luck with your blog. Jangan lepas ni tak update2 dah le..

Justice Not Prevail!!

I finished reading “My Name Is Red” last night. Who would think that the life of miniaturist & painters during the Ottoman period in Istanbul could be very intriguing? No wonder the writer, Orhan Pamuk won the Nobel Prize for literature. I will start ‘White Tiger” soon and that should be another interesting read since the book won MAN Booker Prize 2008.
Ah, books, greatest pleasure in life! And I remember, with bitterness (yes, very bitter) that in 1982, when I was in Standard 5, I won a reading contest organized by the school I attended. Oh, don’t get me wrong, winning was sweet and I was proud and feel rewarded. I was bitter about what happened days after. You see, the winner was determined from how many books he/she borrowed from the school library during the year. And my next competitor (wah, competitor tu..) did not even borrowed half number of books I did! So, a rumour spread that I borrowed books only to return the next day without reading them so that I could borrow another books (students were allowed to borrow up to 3 books only at any particular time). I was annoyed but, it was talk among other pupils and didn’t bother me much. It was when A TEACHER CALLED ME A CHEAT that broke my heart. Yes, a teacher did so, IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE 5A CLASS!! Couldn’t he just pull me aside, away from other pupils and ask for explanation/verification/clarification or whatever? But no, he felt the need to just shout out there in front of everybody so that it could be a teladan to others. No, it’s not to follow my reading habit, but NOT to cheat like I did! How would you, dear reader think an 11 year old kampong boy to feel suddenly being chastised like that?? What upset me most was that I could not defend myself then, how can I prove that I really read all those books?? I was helpless. I cannot walk with my head held high even days after that. I felt like I was a common criminal you see in the newspaper with his eyes blacked out. I was the worst student in the school! And all I did was only to be the most read student for 1982. How I wished the school year to end ASAP.
That incident, small as it was, never forgotten and still upset me to think about it. Because I know I was right, but others don’t. And up to now, I still feel that they must know that I really read all those books and I won that little plaque (now still sitting in my mother’s cabinet) fairly. I am still angry about justice not prevail!
But life continues. Luckily the incident never put any dent in my love for books. In fact I grew to love them more. My wife & I now decided to keep the “save more spend less” budget now that our 2 children are growing up, and we’d moved to a bigger house with higher monthly instalments with more expenses incurred, the portion for books never reduced. Yes, I can live with no new CD, no movie, no eating out but I CANNOT live without books, NO, reader, I cannot live without books (Oh, MPH is having sale this week and I cannot miss that too, as much as my wife cannot miss the Sogo & Jaya Jusco sale)
Ciao.

I'm a blogger, yay!

Yay, I'm blogging. I don't know why I want to to this, I just did. Mid life crisis at 38? Nay, too young to be in one. But even if so, it's better to suddenly have an urge to be a blogger than taking up 18 year old, super pretty and sexy Diana Danielle as second wife, right, dear (currently one and only) wife? Oh, however, if I ever to ask my mother to send a rombongan meminang, it will not be due to nafsu (tua already, mah, where got nafsu nafsi anymore) but strictly because of the good heart of mine so desire to protect a young helpless lady from the menaces of the world now that she is single (and surely lonely) after dumping her super duper rich and young and handsome kawan biasa cum boxing partner son of Dato Yusof Haslam. Besides, marrying me could ensure no PLKN for life for her (can you imagine that delicately soft skin of hers covered in mud, running around under the hot tropical sun, sleeping in tent in a jungle with nyamuk and all sort of wild animal like tigers, elephants, monkeys, men, etc around like normal 18 year old girl? She's a film star, people! Have some mercy). Oh! how good hearted almost middle class kind of a man I am. And, if you ever read this Diana, please contact me soonest, abang is forever willing to be your kawan biasa (see, I only want to be her kawan biasa, dear wife, nothing more, I swear. And because I am (a lot) older than she is, it's only polite that she call me Abang, right?).

Anyway, I have no agenda creating this blog. Because of so, I'll write of anything. Things that crosses my mind, or things that happens to me, or anything that I have any opinion on, even when it did not concern me, like LA Galaxy refusal to sell David Beckham to Real Madrid, good for you LA Galaxy. And when I'm done with the last 2 chapters of "My Name Is Red" by Orhan Pamuk I'm currently reading, I'll update you on what's happening in my life, if you care to know.

Write later.